funny religious jokes

20 Christian Dad Jokes

It wouldn’t be a collection of Christian jokes without a few wonderfully cheesy dad jokes.

1. What is a physics teacher’s favorite Bible verse? Romans 8:39: “Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

3. How do we know God likes coffee? Because the Bible says, He brews.

4. Why wasn’t Boaz a nice man before he got married? He was Ruth-less.

5. Aside from Adam & Eve, who in the Bible had no parents? Joshua, son of Nun (“none”).

6. A man gets on an airplane and sees a nun praying fervently beside him.

“Are you afraid of flying?” he asks.

“Flying, no. Crashing, yes.”

7. “A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, ‘What is this, a joke?’”

8. How do you make holy water? Put water in a pot and boil the hell out of it.

9. What did Moses say when he came down the mountain and saw the Israelites worshipping a golden calf? Holy cow!

10. Who was the world’s first comedian? Samson. He brought the house down.

11. Need a boat? I Noah guy.

12. The Pharisees believe in the resurrection of the dead, but the Sadducees don’t. That’s why they’re sad, you see.

13. What type of car would Jesus drive? A Christler.

14. What time of day did God create Adam? Just before eve.

15. It wasn't the apple in the tree that got us in trouble, but the pair on the ground.

16. Of course I believe in free will! What choice do I have?

17. Who was the smartest person in the Bible? Abraham, he knew a Lot.

18. Who was the first person in the Bible to swear? Job - He cursed the day he was born!

19. How many of each animal did Moses bring onto the ark? 

None! Moses was never even on the ark!

Come on, didn't you Noah that?

20. How do we know God loves baseball? Well he started his book "In the big-inning"

Photo Credit: Getty Images/retouchman

10 Bible Story Jokes

1. The Sunday School teacher asks the children to draw Christmas pictures. She goes over to one student and sees he’s drawn a picture of four people on an airplane.

“What is this?” she asked.

“Mary and Joseph and Baby Jesus on a flight to Egypt,” he says.

“Well… who’s the fourth person?”

“That’s Pontius, the pilot.”

2. Moses is wandering around and he finds the burning bush. He looks closer and sees that while the bush is clearly on fire, it is not burning up. He just can't believe his eyes, and in his amazement he says "No way!"

Then, a voice comes from the bush, and says "Yah way!"

3. How long did Cain hate his brother? As long as he was Abel.

4. How did the apostles get to Pentecost? Honda! They were all in one Accord.

5. When was Joseph mentioned playing tennis? When he served in Pharaoh's court.

6. Who was the shortest person in the Bible? It is believed to be Bildad the Shuhite (shoe height)

7. The next shortest was Knee-high-miah!

8. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? David. He rocked Goliath to sleep.

9. Where was Solomon's temple located? On the side of his head.

10. What kind of plants didn't Noah want on the ark? Leeks.

Photo Credit: Getty Images/chanakon laorob

10 Funny Church Leader Stories

From pastors to worship leaders, the pulpit to the youth group gym, church leaders have given us some of the most surprising funny stories you’ll ever hear.

1. The pastor cleared his throat as he approached the pulpit. “I’m sorry if my voice sounds a bit weak today,” he told the congregation. “There’s been some sickness going around the office, and you all know I hate to be left out of anything.”

2. My church held a work day, including digging holes for a garden plot. My youth pastor put it, “If you’re free next Thursday and don’t mind getting dirty, show up.”

3. The pastor gave a sermon on family, beginning with these words: “I’ve been a parent for about five years now. I think I’ve pretty much figured it out.”

4. The youth pastor walked toward us as we gathered in the church lot for the youth group service. “I’m sorry,” he said. “The only thing left is the donuts.”

5. After the donuts were finished, the youth pastor went to the podium and began teaching. He reminded us, “Let us hold to our confection – er, confession. I wish it was confection.”

6. We soon learned that our new church had an elder with a sense of humor. “At this church,” the elder said, “We follow the Noah principle of two by two. We have two Italian elders, two bald elders, and two very handsome older elders. I’m not Italian, so I’ll let you guess which group I’m in.”

7. After the elder spoke, the bald pastor started to speak. “I apologize,” he said, patting his head. “The power went out to my house this morning, so I couldn’t use my blow dryer. Does it look okay?”

8. My youth pastor (who grew up in a very tough part of New York) spoke on the value of vocation. “It is good to have a skill,” he said. “People may try to say you don’t, but that’s poor theology. It is good to have a skill to provide for yours

— https://www.christianity.com/wiki/christian-life/christian-jokes-stories.html